Bitch Trouble 1

Dana continues to troll.  And she lands herself in big trouble.  No matter how carefully she screens these girls they’re trouble.  It’s not that Dana’s judgment is bad; it’s just the numbers game, the fact that compulsive trolling is a losing proposition.

She took home this au pair girl named Inge.  Or maybe she was an exchange student.  IDK.  Her English was good enough.  Inge finally pissed me off and I threw her out forcefully.  And I didn’t even fuck her.

She was found by a sheriff’s deputy at five am, walking the farm roads, underdressed.  And to make a shorter story, Dana was charged with rape, sodomy, possession of marijuana sexual battery, unlawful imprisonment, etc etc.  Enough to put her away for a long time.  For some reason I wasn’t charged with anything.  I didn’t really do anything but that never stopped anybody.  And not that Dana did anything to Inge that Inge didn’t want done.

I had to grub up some big money for bail just to get Dana out of the local lockup.  The judge did at least set bail but I had to put up the farm and house as security.  Dana is crying and hysterical as I lead her out of that place.  I have to use a basement service entrance since the local media are all over the front steps.

I rent a house out of town for the duration, bringing our savings even lower but we’ll never get any peace at the farm.  Dana wails and cries and I hold her and rock her.  When she doesn’t calm down I give her Xanax and Vodka and finally she calms enough to talk.

She swills vodka and sniffles and slobbers and says, It’s those bruises on her arm that will sink me, she says angrily.  If you hadn’t thrown her out like that she’d never have filed charges.

It’s my fault, of course.

I…i’m sorry, she stammers.  I didn’t mean that.

I know it.  Shhh.

You wont leave me will you, Fanci?

Never.  You’re my husband.  I’ll never leave you no matter what.  We’ll beat this if I have to buy off everybody in the county.

This is how it happened:

Business trip to see if I can get back into modeling again.  I need to be making the big money since Dana’s outbursts are costing us so much.  But I got nothing solid.  Even Cover Girl were assholes, and they are usually the sweetest people.  They mustve gotten really pissed at me when I quit so suddenly.

I drive in wearily, thinking about a hot meal and a drink and even a pop of smack, which I have not touched for a long time.  There are lights on in the house and the hall smells sweetly of incense.  I go into the guest bedroom and get out of my clothes.  Put on panties that are getting too big since I have lost weight, a nightgown, sandals.  For some reason I am still carrying around my purse.

I see the girl in the living room.  Insinctively I turn my head to see if someone’ is coming up behind me to knock me in the head but no one’s there.  I turn back and regard her.  Straw blond hair, eyes of the lightest cornflower blue.  I’ve surprised her, drifting in here and now with measured insolence she stoops to remove a shawl from the floor, gathering it to her breasts.  We stand there regarding each other as if in freeze frame as I seethe with impatience borne of low blood sugar.

This is my house, I snarl.  As if to assert my territorial rights I fling my Prada bag at the sofa.  She withdraws into the bedroom.  There are whispers and giggles and an agitated Dana appears.

I thought you weren’t coming back till tomorrow, I say to Dana.

I changed my mind, Dana says.  She pulls me out of earshot.  I told her I was a movie director in Hollywood, Dana whispers.  Please don’t ruin it for me, Fanci.

Meanwhile Inge is standing in the doorway looking at us with the shawl wrapped around her breasts, lips lightly parted.

Do you want her, Fanci?  Dana whispers.  She’s crazy for it all ways.

At the moment, Fellini, I just want an Oxy pop and some food.

Dana looks at Inge and says angrily, Go put some clothes on.

Inge reeks of sex and so does Dana.

Dana sits down and sends Inge to get drinks for us.  I go to the study and grind up an Oxycontin and snort it and slam the edge of my fist on the desk when it hits me.  There’s an energy bar in the desk and I eat it hungrily, almost choking.

Sitting on the sofa beside Inge while Dana sits across from us.  Inge says, Hey, aren’t you that…that model with…

Yes, I say.  With a dick.

What’s the hardest part of being a transsexual?  she says incuriously.

Shaving, I say.


Don’t work for me.  Estrogens slow beard growth and soften it but I still have to shave.

Inge quickly puts her hand in my panties and goes right for the g spot.

Ooooh, I say.  Don’t touch me there unless you love me a little.

They laugh.  She has my Johnson out and I am going to tell her to let go when I come all over myself.  Semen stains on my favorite nightgown, and nothing I wear is cheap.  Angrily I jerk Inge into the bathroom and clean all of my come off her.  IDK what I was thinking except that I didn’t want her to somehow get pregnant.

It’s time for you to leave, I say, growing angrier.

I was not gentle when I threw her out.  Dana went outside to talk to her but Inge walks off into the country in the wee hours of total dark.


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