Bitch Trouble 2

Days later we have both forgotten Inge.  That’s when they serve the search warrant and nearly tear down the house looking for something.  It’s amazing that they don’t find all my dope, Xanax, Vicodin, Oxy, Smack, and the needles.  But Dana’s upset because they seized her jar of Vaseline.  And the vibrating dildos.

After they leave the house is in a shambles.  All our nice clothes.  Dana is hysterical for days.  When she settles down I arrange for us to fly to her fashionista friends in Toronto for a while.  I lock up the house and as we walk to the car I look at Dana in love.  At the pricey blue suit she wears for the plane.  My heart flutters.  How regal, how patrician she looks.  How young!  She’s almost thirty five but doesn’t look a day over ten years younger.  She looks sharply at me and lowers her eyes coyly in a way that is adorable and my heart is bursting with love for my husband.

We are walking to the car, our heels clicking on the concrete when the cop car seems to come out of nowhere.  They read her her rights and cuff her.  As they lead her away she looks at me like the trapped animal she’s become.

I’ll get you out, Cupcake, I cry.  Don’t worry.  And for God’s sake don’t say anything till I get you a lawyer.

I go in the house break down and cry.  My husband is in jail for sex crimes and may go away for the rest of her life.  I have to get her a lawyer if it takes every cent we have.  I have to shoot up before I scrounge together the money to get her out on bail.  The trial drags into the early fall.  Dana and I sit beside each other in the courtroom and I pass love notes to her.  I finally get her to smile.  Her lawyer gives us dirty looks.  And i’m sure Dana will get off scot free and we will go somewhere far away.

Of course they find her guilty on all counts and she gets twenty to life.

I have a way to get you out, Dana, I say to her in her cell.  Don’t give up.  You’ll be out of here tomorrow.

Money talks and I have bribed the guards big time to leave us alone.  My cupcake needs a conjugal visit for morale and it’s my conjugal duty to see that she gets it.  I am wearing what I was the day they arrested her.  Cream colored suit, black pumps, same makeup.  Even the Prada bag.

I open my mouth and part my lips ever so slightly and say to Dana breathlessly, This is your time, honey.

There’s not much room but damn if she doesn’t get on me and wallow on the dirty floor till my suit is ruined but I don’t care.  I am cleaning up when some pervert guard peeps thru the cell window.

Hey!  I yell and throw my Prada bag in that direction.

You’ll be home with me tomorrow, Loveling, I say to Dana.  Don’t give up.

I strut out of there pushing my hair out of my face and clicking my heels on the ground just like I do after Dana fucks me.  Humming an obscene song.  The guys stare at me and I say, Not today, boys.

I find a judge that has a lot of bad habits, including little boys.  He needs money for these pursuits and commiserates with me and takes the $500,000 I happen to have with me.  The next day he vacates the guilty verdict, overturning all charges.  Dana will go free.

She’s a basket case when I get her home and I have to give her the Xanax and vodka cure and after a few days she is as much herself as she will ever be.  I hope she will not bring home stray women again but I know better than that.

I’m going to have to go back to modeling, Dana, full time, I say.  I have to make some money.   We are practically broke.  I need the big money.

If you hadn’t quit when you did you’d be making big money now.

If i’d been working full time i’d have made a quarter mil in a year.

Bullshit, honey, she says.  Twice that.  If you get back into it now before they forget you you can make a mil in a year.  Three quarters at least.

Cover Girl was pissed at me for quitting, I say.

Leave that to me, she says.  I can make a few calls.  I’ll be your agent again like before.  It’s the least I can do.

You’ll have to come to NYC with me, Dana.  And behave.  I wont be home much.  And I cant watch you all the time.

I’ll behave, she says.

I hope so, Dana.  This is selfish but i’m afraid we’ll run out of money before I can get the operation.  And i’ll need two weeks to recover from that.  They say it’s not bad-you just are sore when you cough or laugh.  Not like when I got my breasts.  It hurt like a son of a bitch for three days.

RU sure about that, Fanci?

More than ever.  I just gotta be like you, Dana.  I want to be a real woman and I wont be satisfied till I am.  Till I deserve the clothes and the lifestyle.

You deserve it anyway.

I want to be a real woman.  I feel like a fraud.  I want it to be real.  If I hadn’t had a dick I wouldn’t have shot off like that and wouldn’t have gotten mad and thrown her out like that and none of it would’ve happened.  And I want a sweet, tight little pussy like yours.

I guess you mean it then, she says, humoring me.   You know, Fanci when they took me away in handcuffs I thought i’d never see you again.  You looked so sweet.  Those little red lips of yours just hanging open.  If I didn’t have you to look at and make love to every day I couldn’t bear it.

You’ll never be rid of me, I say huskily in her ear, sniffing the Chloe she put on for me.

She puts her face on my neck and sniffs the Pablo Picasso I put on for her.

Never, never, never, I say quietly.  I love you so much.  Come on, I say, giggling.  I’ll show you.

RU going to show me in the bedroom?  She says in feigned innocence.

Umm hmmm, I say, taking her hand and leading her to bed.

Five minutes later I lie on my back beside her, conquered, my face drowned in bittersweet tears, my breasts rising like white mountains against the sky.


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