NYC is a big place and you can have all of it. I don’t like it and neither does Dana, really, but it’s her doing that we have to be here. Otherwise we’d be somewhere walking on a beach and fucking all day, which is what we do best. I try to keep a lid on my resentment and just work.
I haven’t had to get up in the morning and work for years and it’s overwhelming. I would sit in front of a mirror and try to do my face, just like the opening scene in The Devil Wears Prada, but it’s too much. I have to get Dana to do my makeup and even to dress me. And she does because she knows it’s the least she can do. And she does it better than I ever could.
Dana doesn’t like the city but she loves the parties and the schmoozing associated with this lifestyle. I hate it and especially hate the parties but Dana fully enjoys them. So much that she is comatose the next day. I used to take care of this by giving her Xanax for the shakes and Vicodin for the headache and Metclopramide for nausea and baby her. I loved to do this. It made me feel like a good wife. But now I don’t have time and Sabrina doesn’t know Dana’s quirks or what a bad patient she is. Anyway, she can only party on the weekend now because on weekdays she has to get me ready to go to work.
The first day is always the worst. I pose and pose but it’s never good enough for this one faggot that says things like, Oh, just stand there and try to act like a human being!
One day Sabrina says, I didn’t realize what a brainiac you were until Dana told me. Your research on Catecholamines and mood disorders. I read it. I liked it.
That was a long time ago.
You could’ve had a good career in that.
Why? There’s no money in it.
I guess i’m saying that you have a fine mind and you could still use it for something good, if you would stop fucking long enough.
I wont stop, I say. I’m having too much fun. It wasn’t until I got breasts and started cross dressing that I really had a sex life. If i’m having sex now I don’t know what you would call what I was doing with Dana when I was a man. Honey, this shoe really fits and i’m gonna wear it.
You don’t care?
No, I say. Not anymore.
On the weekends when this place is quiet I have time to think Before Dana’s latest disaster I had stopped using dope completely. Now i’m so exhausted I have to have a pop in the morning and a downer at night. It’s regrettable but there you are. I can manage my habits but i’m glad I never did Coke. A lot of girls in my position have and it fucks them up. I wont do it cause i’m terrified i’d like it. Maybe not. I’m such a nervous wreck I mainly like downers. Caffeine is the only upper I’ve ever enjoyed.
And when I come home I have to get on the treadmill and run and then on my home gym so I wont get flabby. In my line of work it’s a necessity. And I resent it. I used to get up early and do it but stopped when it became obvious how much sleep I was losing that way. Besides, I heard about a guy who ran one morning before work and later collapsed at on the job. He’d forgotten to drink water after his run, that’s all. That can happen.
Friday evening and I am ready to pass out. Dana has somehow gotten invited to some millionaire party in the Hamptons and wants me to go with her and Sabrina.
No, I say. You want to go, go. I’m gonna stay here and sleep and masturbate all weekend.
Go, both of you. Sabrina, make her behave. I better not get a call that Dana’s in jail!