Dana Plus

Ali MacGraw, "Love Story", 1970

Ali MacGraw, “Love Story”, 1970 (Photo credit: thefoxling)

Dana was flattered to the extreme when I told her she reminded me of Ali MacGraw.  She hated Love Story, which is understandable since it was a bad movie.  But when she said Ali was ugly I knew she was jealous.  IDK why.  Dana’s actually prettier.

Whether out of gratitude for the compliment or something else Dana brings me a dozen roses and a strapless blue velvet dress to wear to some party she wants to go to.  Fortunately I just got my entire torso waxed (which hurts like hell)so I can wear it without embarrassing myself.  The color of the dress even matches my favorite eye shadow.  Dana can be very thoughtful.

Of course I hate these things but I decide to be a good wife and go with her.  I’m a little casually dressed compared to the other women but I don’t care and I don’t think Dana does either.  If she sees a twenty year old brunette here she’ll be gone as  soon as she can talk her way into the girl’s pants.

The first thing I do at these parties is gauge the hostility.  I just look at the people looking at us when we enter and estimate.  I count thirty six people just in the living room and estimate three fourths are hostile.  And that’s about average.

There are a few students and intellectuals and artists here but mainly it’s models, wannabes, TGs, queers, dykes, and fag hags.  This is not usually a happy crowd.  I’m so tired of these people.  I decide to go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and primp.  I’m doing something with eyeliner when Philly comes in.  That’s her nickname and I don’t blame her.  If i’d been named Phillippa i’d call myself Philly or anything else.

We look at each other and her opening gambit is, You still with that worn out old dyke, Fanci?

They have a special on riding crops this week, I say.  Why don’t you zip on over there and get one?

She turns the bath water on just enough to cause a trickle.  I hate you, she says.  You know that.

About the dress?  I say.

I did a lipstick ad once wearing a dress of white Chantilly lace and white ribbons in my hair.  The contrast with the red lip color was stunning.  But nobody noticed the lipstick.  All these women wanted to know where they could get that dress.  That made me famous enough to start making big money and it made Philly jealous.  And she hates Dana because she wont get her a modeling job. 

I hear you have a new bf, Philly, I say.  Ohio State.  Some big jock.  Liam says you met him at Match.com.

That lying bastard, she says.

He’s your cousin, dear, I say.

You’ve got dandruff, she says, and goes out and slams the door.

I don’t see her anywhere.  But I do see Wanda.  And she sees me seeing her before I can pretend I didn’t.  There’s nothing for it but to go over and say Hi.

You look great, Fanci, she says with a wounded air.

Thank you sweetheart, I say.  So do you.

You here with Dana?

Yes.  You?

Oh, i’m here alone.  Just to remind myself of how pitiful I am.

I don’t respond to that gambit but move away and look for Dana.  She had been trying to seduce this girl the last I saw her and thought she’d still be here with her but she isn’t.  In fact Dana left and took our car.  Didn’t even send me a message.  Goddamn, that makes me mad.

I go back over to Wanda and say, Wanda, take me home with you.

Well, that’s direct, she says, trying to laugh.  Let me get my purse.




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