Not long after Nikki got her weight up to 305 we have an awful day. A sickeningly warm April day sandwiched between a cooler day and a day with cold, soaking rain that made me allergy sick.
There is nothing about this day that is so awful I would remember it from worse days except for one event at the end of it that told me about Nikki. The state we live in has all the car tags up for renewal in April, right around the tax deadline. So there are long lines of angry people who have procrastinated or people who are poor as churchmice like us that had to dive into the sofa cushions for change.
We scraped enough change together to get the tag. Then we stood in line for three hours only to find they’d increased the fee by a dollar and we just don’t have it. So we have to leave until I find somebody to borrow a dollar from. Then we have to stand in line for three hours again.
Rikki reacts to things like this much worse than I. After we have the tag there is one errand left to do but she is so upset I take her home and go do the errand myself. When I get home I am startled by the change in her.
She is lying across the bed watching TV but she is so off in never land she acts like a heroin addict that has just shot up. If Rikki weren’t so uppity about such things i’d think she really was on something. I wouldn’t have been surprised, I guess, to find a bent back spoon, powder, IV kit, etc. but of course I don’t. what I do find is an empty wrapper for a humungous size sugary doughnut in the trash but she likes junk food so I didn’t think much about it.
It took a long time for her to realize she wasn’t just a fat girl who liked to eat but a food addict. And when she told me I laughed because it was so absurd. But she was right. She convinced me. It was sugar that really fucked her up. She would be on sugar for months and when she was she was not right. Her judgment went completely out. And her trouble did not stop with sugar. She told me most women in her group had some trouble with sugar not other things. She could binge on anything though. On oatmeal.
She tells me when I am not around she will stuff her self so full of food she was sick. And then, feeling like she was gonna die, lie down for a couple of hours until she felt a little better, then go do the same thing again. And like with most addicts it was always someone else’s fault.