It’s always disturbing to be reminded of the power of money, especially when you don’t have it. Its power to change things. Not for the better but just to avoid falling into the pits. You see, like anybody else I’ve made a ton of mistakes but there was only one I could never overcome and the name of that mistake is Rikki.
While doing my master’s in psychology I work an internship at the county’s suicide prevention hotline. Rikki’s not a student, just a townie that volunteers here out of boredom. She finally comes on to me and I turn her down as gracefully as I can. Rikki’s very attractive with these sullen good looks but she’s not my type and I don’t want entanglements to keep me from going where I need to go to start a career. And I may have to go clear across the country.
To make a long story short, after I graduate I am broke, have no family, no way to get money. And cant get anything but shit jobs so I cant leave. I need money or at least a place to live. Rikki’s house is the only place for me to go until I figure out what to do. It would’ve been rude to insist on sleeping on the sofa so I sleep with her. She promises not to initiate anything and manages to keep the promise for one whole night. Then before she goes to work Monday morning she gives me a blow job while I am half asleep.
I go back to sleep until nine, my groin tingling with the memory. Now it’s going to be very hard to leave; Rikki has seen to that. And that goes to the subject of money. If I hadn’t been broke, if I’d had enough money to take care of myself I’d never have stayed with Rikki even one night; I’d have stayed as far away as I could. And the mistake that demolished me would never have been made, even if I were lonely, which I was.
And I feel myself coming apart and wonder if they’ll have to come for me with butterfly nets while i scream like a poisoned duke.