Dont Want This

Venitian blind. Français : Store vénitien, détail.

Venitian blind. Français : Store vénitien, détail. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am in a bed with the rail up.  For a moment I think i’m in the hospital where I’ve been for weeks, then remember i’m supposed to be home and have a panicky moment when this doesn’t make sense and I don’t know where I am.  Until I recognize the window with venetian blinds where weak daylight bleeds around the corners.  I guess Dana was worried i’d be delirious in the night and maybe fall out of bed so she put this bed in here and put me in it.  When I look to see what woke me I see Dana walking naked toward the bathroom and I remember this is Spring.  It’s hard to keep track.

In the night I slid down off the pillow and am lying flat on my back.  It’s too hard to scoot back up so I just lie here.  There’s enough dope still in me that i’m not uncomfortable and I do not move.  The leaves and branches sigh and murmur in the morning breeze and dapple the light oozing past the corner of the blinds.  Bathroom noises and Dana comes out and closes the door and walks over to check on me.  She lowers the bedrails and looks at me and says nothing.  Finally she sits down on the side of the bed and reaches over and grabs my dick.

I’m so shocked I don’t say anything; IDK if I have the strength to cry out or move.  Dana hums quietly to herself as she strokes me until I am throbbing and then gets astride me and puts me in her.  She rides in a slow and relentless rhythm that she likes.  She makes little sighing noises and when she nears climax she opens her mouth to scream but nothing comes out but a feminine little ooooh and it sounds so ridiculous that she giggles as she clamps down on me and squeezes and comes.

When she starts to get off me I am so close I want to scream and desperately pull her back.  I’m too weak to push up with my hips but she gets the idea and rides me until I feel months of celibacy jet away into an impossibly sweet orgasm that seems to last forever.  Then she slides off and kisses me.  She rolls me onto my side and gets in and snuggles next to me and pulls the cover over us both.

I’m angry.  I don’t want this.  But i’m too weak to get up.  I don’t want her here or the smell of her in my nose.  I hate it that I really do feel better and that I like her next to me.  I rage against being taken advantage of.  I wake with a start and I see from the clock I’ve slept for two hours.  Late morning, a cool bright windy spring day with hard, sharp, dry shadows.

It’s an effort but I manage to sit up on the side of the bed.  I am still very sticky and her smell is all over me.  I hear Dana moving around in the kitchen and I get up and walk to the kitchen door and open it.  She sees me and comes over cautiously and puts an arm around me and I put an arm around her and pull her close and kiss her neck.

That’s the first time in months I’ve been able to walk up to you without being afraid you’d hit me, she says.

I feel a  wave of dizziness and she helps me sit down at the kitchen table.

How’s your stomach, lover?  She says sweetly.  Want me to give you a nausea shot?

No, I say.  Just a Benadryl.

I chew and swallow the pill with some diet pop.  She sits next to me and carefully touches me on the hand.  I don’t feel like fighting anymore so I squeeze her hand lightly.  After I am finished forcing oatmeal down she says, Want me to come back to bed with you?

I suppose.  But i’m a mess.

Why don’t we take a shower like we used to?  I’ll wash your back.

Dana, why did you do that?

Because I knew you were too weak to stop me.  I knew if I didn’t you’d hold out on me to punish me and we’d be arguing about sex for months.  Now it’s done and there’s a lot less to fight about.

I’m not getting back in that damn bed, I say.  I want to sleep in mine.

Sure.  I’ll have that bed taken out.

Let’s get in the shower then, I say.

And I am very angry that Dana was right, at least about that one thing.  Now I’ve gone from hating her to hating myself.

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