Near Death

I nearly died.

Somehow I got a Staph infection in my urinary tract that got into my blood and nearly killed me.  Staph is all over the place but a male urinary tract is a closed affair.  If I’d been getting catheterized a lot it could have been a dirty catheter, but that wasn’t the case.  Somehow it got in there and nearly killed me.

My airhead soon to be ex wife didn’t catch it as soon as she should’ve.  Saturday night I was crawling around the bedroom floor out of my head.  My piss was coffee colored.  I don’t hold it against her that she got airheaded even in a life and death situation.  I just wished she’d been airheaded a few more hours and I would’ve been dead as hell Sunday morning.

Dying that way wasn’t so bad.  If she’d just let it alone it would’ve solved both our problems.

I used to be so afraid of dying I knew I was too cowardly to commit suicide.  Now…

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6 thoughts on “Near Death

      • I understand how it is, to an extent, to the point that I am in for ECT consultation tomorrow. I think you’ll be able to find some peace again. What’s up with these people who just ‘like’ posts like this? Swear most WP people are just out to increase traffic to their own blogs or just aren’t humans at all.

  1. It’s easy for me to sit here reading this and think to myself, “don’t do it.” But knowing my history, I can’t in good faith ask such a thing of you. Would you be missed, most certainly. I all ready mourn a friend I knew through Xanga once a year, at the least. While most days I can turn that pain into a reason to live, I know how difficult it can be. I know these words probably don’t offer any comfort, but I doubt comfort is what you’re looking for at this point–you want out, and I don’t blame you. I don’t know your situation, but I’m around if you ever wish to talk. Call me if you really must: 641-295-1307.

    • You’re the only one that’s ever said that. Thank you for that. You’re right. I just want out. I’m finished. No one else will have me. I cant face it alone. When I’m exiled to a trailer park and wake up alone a few times then maybe I will opt out. But for now I’m home being slowly marginalized. I live for today.

      • You won’t have to face it entirely alone. I know I’m only a presence on a computer screen, but sometimes knowing someone cares at all is enough. Hell, I got through some really tough times in my life thanks to the friends I’ve made online. All I can say is, keep writing. I’ve written myself through some dark times as well. In fact, I firmly believe that’s how I’ve made it to this point in my life.

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