I wake with a start, my heart pounding. I nodded off for a few minutes and didnt know where i was. I’m still in the library of course, where ive been running the same video over and over. I lost track of time and can see the shadows of late afternoon are going blue. Time to get back to the hotel.
This part of the beach is relatively deserted and the people still here are at the part of the shore that are right in front of the ugly high rises. An autumn chill that has lain hidden under the September heat has taken over as the sun is setting. I am cold as hell and wish i had a jacket but it’s not that far.
Lyndon Johnson, one of the most hated presidents in his time because of a fuckin war. But what concerns me was his signing of the Civil Rights Act. Whether to do something or not, even if it causes more suffering. He is supposed to have said as he signed it that he just lost the south for the Democratic Party for generations. And that’s what happened. He knew that but he signed it anyway because, i guess, he was trying to right a wrong that was so wrong it had to be fixed no matter what happened. That’s my dilemma. I am going to have to risk every bit of this golden age where they can cure any kind of cancer just to make something else right because i have to.
When i get to the part of the beach that is in front of hotel i have to stop and sit down. Fatigue and depression from the cancer treatment. The sight of big bodies of water give me the creeps and right now that ocean looks bigger and scarier than ever.
A couple of girls that have to be underage walk by and stop ten feet away and talk to each other to see if i will pay them any attention and when i dont they move on down the beach. And i wish they’d put some damn clothes on.
I struggle up the stairs and, ignoring the do not disturb sign, put my keycard in the door and walk in on the damndest sight. Ginnie is on her back with legs spread and a man in a hotel uniform is humping her with his naked ass in the air.