Stump Humping

Back when I was a practicing psychologist I/we would get a lot of referrals from the court.  When it was a court order we had to see the person in trouble and they had to see us if they wanted to stay on probation and out of the joint.

There’s one that i remember vividly.  It was an ol’ boy from way out in the sticks who was highly unsocialized but there was nothing really wrong with him.

When I asked him why he was there he said he was there was for stump humpin.’  Now I’m a city boy and didn’t know what that was.  He said it was when a cow was out in the field with its ass toward you, you would get up on a stump behind the cow and drop your pants and…

At that point I stopped him and said that I got the picture.  In my psych eval I said that this guy was just unsocialized and was neither disturbed nor criminal nor a danger to society and that he should be taught more appropriate ways to express his sexuality,yak, yak yak.

Anyway, I wrote a song about him called Bessie and Me.  I borrowed a melody from a beer commercial and put the chords in from that.  The lyrics are all mine.  And I’ll share it when I find it.  BTW I don’t see that there was any damage to the cow.  I doubt she even noticed.



Trapped in an alley, i couldnt run

Facing down a man with a cross and a gun

His face was blue

He said my name is Lou and it’s my sacred duty to kill you


His eyes twitched around, the gun fell to the ground

He threw the cross in the sewer

And before i could run he said

I’m a talker not a doer


Then his face turned bluer

As he fell to the sewer

He hit his head and was still

His dead eyes on the man he would kill


It started raining here where nobody had seen

No camera recording this thing from a dream

And i just wanted to go home

Roswell 45: Isabel and Alex

Days and weeks slouch by as February staggers into March and rags of dirty snow cling to the ground in the back yard by a copse of dead trees that once sheltered the last wolves.  Alex keeps trying to date Isabel and she keeps dismissing him as politely as she can.  She likes Alex, maybe because he is superficially like Max but she does not reciprocate his feelings for her however meager or fulsome.  She wonders if he is still not speaking to Liz but that isnt something one asks.

Liz told her that she thought Alex would keep quiet but she wasnt entirely sure.  So Isabel decides to dreamwalk into his mind to answer that question.

As Isabel tries to walk into Alex’s mind she crosses some threshold into his dreams, hers and his.  Dreams and visions that sail on feathery wings borne up from currents of seething things of the night, hot erotic fantasies come to life or dreams of blood and vengeance that only the wicked vessel of the heart may contain.

With a shock she sees Alex in bed without a stitch on.  He rolls over and says, Hi, Isabel.  How’s your sex life?

How’s my sex life?  She sputters angrily.  It’s fine.  How’s yours?  Go fuck yourself.

Dont be mean to me, he says, laughing.

He touches her hand and she gets in bed with him and he slowly undresses her and they do unspeakable things until she wakes with a start, bathed in night sweat.  Is this why she keeps pushing him away?

Of course it is, she says to herself.  She wasnt seeing into his mind.  She was seeing into hers.  And she is terrified.  For herself and all of them.

Lights of Hong Kong

I feel the press of my dead children crowding close to me

And with each morning passing there’s one less day to see

Carson sings Feliz Navidad that was his favorite song

And the only comfort left now is that i dont have long


Sparkie worried about me when i was alone

Took care of me when i was sick and her mommy was long gone

I’d play an old guitar and she’d sing an old folk song

As we looked away in wonder at the lights of old Hong Kong


It’s not that i’m going anywhere, they’re coming back for me

If this is it then i dont care it’s with them i should be

My heart is barely beating and my breath is almost gone

But thru the shrouded window creeps the glow of my last dawn


They should all still be here when i’m dead and in the ground

But somehow it happened the other way around

It’s my reward for the arrogance of living much too long

Before i sail away across the bay to the lights of old Hong Kong


There’s no place quite as merry

As Greenwood cemetery

Grass green, sky blue

To rest in peace

Is all i want to do.


I looked at some graves today

Had no money but that’s okay

You can have one said the man

So i bought one on the easy payment plan


There’ll be no hunger, no strife

When i finally end my life

No sadness, no pain

Always sunshine, never see the rain


There’s a softly opening door

To things i’ve never seen before

Hear the sound of distant drums

I wont be here when the morning comes




The Promise

I got this from someone at a cat lover’s group on FB who got it from somewhere else.   The last three lines are mine, since i cant leave anything alone.  If you’re a hard core cat lover i think you’ll understand.

I will never leave you at a shelter

or let you starve

or let you hurt

or desert you when you get old

or leave you when you go blind

And if that time ever comes

I will be there to hold you

Even to the end of the world

Because i love you

And you are my child


Phenomenology is the Light of the World

Once I was drowning in life’s filthy sea

Then came that fateful day

When I picked up a book by Merleau-Ponty

I knew I’d finally found the way


Phenomenology showed me what it was giving

Answered all my questions why

Phenomenology gave me a reason for living

It even told me why I must die


Now Hector’s got a body and Hector’s got a brain

And a tunnel going right to Duquesne

He dont need no money and he dont need no girl

Cause he’s got the light of the world


Now Hector’s in his office, reading Merleau-Ponty

Writes descriptions all day

He dont care about us or what we see

Cause he knows he has the only way


Now Hector’s living in the tunnel, his wisdom grows

Sees his destiny unfurl

And as he lives from day to day he knows

Phenomenology’s the light of the world.


Shine on, light of the world

Goodnight everybody, everybody  everwhere


Allelujah   Bonnng!