Stump Humping

Back when I was a practicing psychologist I/we would get a lot of referrals from the court.  When it was a court order we had to see the person in trouble and they had to see us if they wanted to stay on probation and out of the joint.

There’s one that i remember vividly.  It was an ol’ boy from way out in the sticks who was highly unsocialized but there was nothing really wrong with him.

When I asked him why he was there he said he was there was for stump humpin.’  Now I’m a city boy and didn’t know what that was.  He said it was when a cow was out in the field with its ass toward you, you would get up on a stump behind the cow and drop your pants and…

At that point I stopped him and said that I got the picture.  In my psych eval I said that this guy was just unsocialized and was neither disturbed nor criminal nor a danger to society and that he should be taught more appropriate ways to express his sexuality,yak, yak yak.

Anyway, I wrote a song about him called Bessie and Me.  I borrowed a melody from a beer commercial and put the chords in from that.  The lyrics are all mine.  And I’ll share it when I find it.  BTW I don’t see that there was any damage to the cow.  I doubt she even noticed.

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