The Beach 6

I come out of sleep slowly and when I am awake IDK where i am.  Then I remember.  Tonya is sound asleep and snoring lightly.  Not like a chain saw but just enough to call it a snore.  Not something you tell anybody unless they ask and maybe not even then.

Of course we had fucked.  It wasnt what I had in mind when I went home with her but we got just stoned enough that it seemed natural but now seems merely inevitable.  I have spent the night with someone young enough to be my granddaughter and I am still half asleep and do not know how to handle this.  That makes me a dirty old man but it makes her…IDK.  Something worse than just a dirty old man.  Depends on her.

I hate sexual politics.

I get up and dress quietly in the kitchen.  I had asked her to talk to me for a while and I would pay her.  Since I dont remember whether i gave her money I assume I didnt and put more than I owe her on the kitchen table.  This feels awkward.  I want to leave before she’s awake but I dont want her to feel like a whore.

I decide to leave her a note.  But what do I say?

I write, ‘Thank you for everything.’

But that seems stupid.  I dont want to tell her my name.  So I sign it ‘Me.’

Maybe a smiley face?

You’re an idiot, I tell myself.  I just leave her the note and the money.  I am about to leave when I see her at the kitchen door.

Hey, she says.  Were you about to leave?

Yes, I say.

Do you have to go?

No, I say.  I’d rather be with you.

Then stay, she says.  What’s that?

The money I owe you and a love letter.

Let’s see, she says, stumbling across the floor in bare feet.

I hate people who walk anywhere barefooted.

This is too much, she says, handing some of the money back.  What kind of a note is this?

I didnt know just what to say.  Do you eat breakfast?

Yeah, she says.  But I’m not cooking it.

I’ll cook it, I say.

Then here, she says, giving me back some of the money.


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