I come out of sleep slowly and when I am awake IDK where i am. Then I remember. Tonya is sound asleep and snoring lightly. Not like a chain saw but just enough to call it a snore. Not something you tell anybody unless they ask and maybe not even then.
Of course we had fucked. It wasnt what I had in mind when I went home with her but we got just stoned enough that it seemed natural but now seems merely inevitable. I have spent the night with someone young enough to be my granddaughter and I am still half asleep and do not know how to handle this. That makes me a dirty old man but it makes her…IDK. Something worse than just a dirty old man. Depends on her.
I hate sexual politics.
I get up and dress quietly in the kitchen. I had asked her to talk to me for a while and I would pay her. Since I dont remember whether i gave her money I assume I didnt and put more than I owe her on the kitchen table. This feels awkward. I want to leave before she’s awake but I dont want her to feel like a whore.
I decide to leave her a note. But what do I say?
I write, ‘Thank you for everything.’
But that seems stupid. I dont want to tell her my name. So I sign it ‘Me.’
Maybe a smiley face?
You’re an idiot, I tell myself. I just leave her the note and the money. I am about to leave when I see her at the kitchen door.
Hey, she says. Were you about to leave?
Yes, I say.
Do you have to go?
No, I say. I’d rather be with you.
Then stay, she says. What’s that?
The money I owe you and a love letter.
Let’s see, she says, stumbling across the floor in bare feet.
I hate people who walk anywhere barefooted.
This is too much, she says, handing some of the money back. What kind of a note is this?
I didnt know just what to say. Do you eat breakfast?
Yeah, she says. But I’m not cooking it.
I’ll cook it, I say.
Then here, she says, giving me back some of the money.