The Earth is Flat in Indiana

Not too long ago I was talking to a friend of mine and .somehow we got onto the subject of science.  After a little pause he said to me that he’d found somebody who believed the Earth was flat.

You must mean a creationist who believes the Earth is 5,000 years old, i say.

No!  He says emphatically.  This guy believes the Earth is flat!

Was he just pulling your appendage?

No, he says, shaking his head.  This guy believes it because the world looks flat so it must be flat.  I just didnt know what to say to that.

Was he psychotic?

Not as far as I know.

Then dont engage him, I say.  The more attention he gets the worse he’ll get.

I promptly forgot about it until weeks later when someone else told me he knew a guy in his home town who seemed otherwise normal except he was convinced the world was flat, and there was a government conspiracy to cover it up.  Here are two people who dont know each other who have independently surmised that the Earth is flat.  I dont know if this a sign of the times or a commentary on how poor the education in this state is or what.  I just dont know.

Sometimes I listen to conversations going on behind me in the checkout line.  After hearing one I decided to never listen again.  This one may not seem as egregious as the flat earth but it is bad enough.

One of these hayseeds behind me said he wouldnt drink milk from the stores because he was worried it was spoiled and he might get food poisoning.  So he decided he was only going to drink milk right out of the cow because it was safer.  After all, he went on, there is “too much government inspection,” which, according to him, is the real problem.

Just in case nobody knows it, when milk comes out of the cow it is at its most dangerous.  Tuberculosis, Listeriosis, Salmonella, E. Coli, just to name a few.  That’s why they pasteurize it.  Heating milk below boiling for about half an hour kills all the bugs just waiting to maybe kill you.  Such things I learned in grade school so I guess I’m being naive about what adults should know.  At least here in what they call Kentuckiana.

And I dont know what else to say.  Sometimes I have to get on here and bitch and blow off steam when these things get to me.

Good Day.

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The Zombies of Austin

In Austin there are zombies

That roam the fields at night

They eat up big salamis

And shoot up out of sight

 

In the park they got needles

Somebody’s used before

With microscopic evils

You dont see anymore

 

The whores down from Columbus

Service the walking dead

A zombie’s an encumbrance

But the hookers give them head

 

In the moonlight there is thunder

Megatons from space

Administrative blunder

A nuclear embrace

 

Mushrooms bloom in Austin

Detonation was at five

The zombies are lost when

The narks are burned alive

 

In Austin there is fallout

Radiation boils the ground

And the nuclear police are out

But no zombies are around